You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
