I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
