Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
