I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
