at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Hippo gnu deer
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
