I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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