in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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