I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
