Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
