Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
