I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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