If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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