im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
