mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
