Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
