i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
