is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
