do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
