The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
