some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
