ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
