I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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