don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
