At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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