make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
