She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
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so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
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If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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