If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
