I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.