Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
