The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner