I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.