can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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