hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
