cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize