Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
