she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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