Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
