I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
