is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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