Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
