So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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