OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
