I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
