hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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