the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
