umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
