That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
