he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
