Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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