Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
