My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
