everyone is single if you try hard enough
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
