I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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