At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
