You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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