He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
