she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
