i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
