i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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