We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
