Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
