good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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