You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
