oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
