Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
