just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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