Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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