maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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