I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
