he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
